Introductory Success Stories & Tips
Do It For Yourself
S's marriage was on the rocks, but is now riding high on the waves.
My husband and I separated for quite some time in 2000. I packed up
the kids took all my worldly belongs, and what was left of my self
esteem and went to my parent's home. He was upset that I left, acted like a jerk, then tried begging, I still left. For my life to change
there had to be that distance or our lives would have never changed.
Funny thing is, we made a deal to call once a week. When I got to
their home he called every other day. I started exercising to relieve
stress. When I talked to him I refused to argue with him. I always
was the one who ended the conversation...and we didn't have any
contact except via the telephone or computer. What was funny is I
knew all along I did want him back, it was he who felt the marriage
wasn't what he thought it should be. But in the end it was me who
changed in the beginning. I saw things differently...it was like a
new me found the way to the surface! I bought clothes, cleaned
up...I felt awesome! But I missed him SOOO MUCH!!
Anyways, I got off on a tangent...He called me daily, would ask me to
call him. (I was always on time! To his surprise, I laughed, I
wasn't moody. And I tried being supportive of his life also while
still caring for the kids and my normal duties.)
Well he came to visit, I made up my mind if I was going back I wasn't
going to force myself on him! It HAD to be his idea for me to go
back. So when he got into town, he had to find a hotel room. He had
to call me to ask me to go out. I guess the side effects of
exercising were showing, I felt alive, not as stressed, able to
cope. (And had lost a few pounds.) He was intriqued I could tell!
Excited to hang out with me and the kids. Spent time talking to me
about things we hadn't discussed in years. It felt awesome! But I
wanted him to have time to get himself in order, so I didn't go home
immediately...I didn't want to not have things changed so I
encouraged him to find himself, make decisions...to ask questions of
himself that he needed to find out. (Because I was...and I was soo
happy with the person I had found hiding under the old frumpy
housewife!) I actually cleaned up daily, wasn't dowdy! The change I
found when I found me was enough to change the way our marriage
worked. I think the changes I MADE, in turm made him change how he
reacted to me...it won't happen overnight, but seriously don't let
too much time pass. Let him know you enjoyed your night out if he
doesn't show. Don't fall into old traps and start seeing who you
are...inner happiness is amazing when coupled with feminine manner,
mystery and acceptance!
We still have a relationship unlike before! It is WORTH IT to make
yourself available on YOUR terms, sooner or later he will see the
other woman for the negative qualities you USED to possess. I used
many moments to tell him I trusted him, accepted him, let him know
how wonderful he was as a father, and the things I always loved about
him. Thanked him, gave him encouragement...etc. I know FW
works...I'm with my husband. The woman he found so enticing isn't
who he ended up with, and I had my first view of how wonderful living
FW really is!
Good luck on your journey!
Comments from a later letter:
One thing I think I should add, I did make a conscious choice to move
on and not dwell on the past. When we became a family again it was a
new slate. Nothing we'd said in the past, done to make each other
hurt, etc. was to be brought up again. (Harder than it sounds, but
trust me WELL Worth it! I actually started this before we got back
together, and it wasn't spoken about until his brother mentioned
something about how do you get over things in the past. My DH is the
one who said forgive and move on.) My DH and I haven't brought up
anything from before...I couldn't hold the other woman over his head,
he didn't hold my negative traits above mine. (I had quite a few!!)
In the end forgiving him was all that mattered and working out
everything to an end result we both can enjoy and live with.
Everyone asks me what I'll do if it were to happen all over again,
and all I can think of is, "deal with that IF it ever happens". I'm not
going to start getting negative thinking it will! Why worry about
future events when I have the now to live in?
Guess I have learned quite a lot via FW. Now if I can just finish
getting this weight off! I can't wait to look as feminine as I
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