Appreciate Him Success Stories

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She Cried Herself To Sleep

Here is a reprint of a great Dear Abby column.

Dear Abby: My marriage was in need of repair. My husband and I had been fighting a lot. He told me that if I didn't like it, I could pack my things and go. I cried myself to sleep for nights on end.

One night I couldn't sleep because I was so upset with him. All I could think about were all the things that bugged me about him. I knew that if I didn't banish these negative thoughts from my mind, it would be a long time before I fell asleep. I decided to think instead of all the things that I loved about him. I wrote them down on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope and placed it in his briefcase.

The next morning, he called me from work to tell me how much he loved me. When he came home that evening, he put my "list" in a frame and hung it on the wall. We hardly ever fight anymore. I get love notes weekly and kisses daily.

I thought some of your readers might like to try this recipe for renewed love. It was so simple - and well worth the effort.

She Does What No Other Woman Can

This is from E. C. when she was fairly new to FW.

Hubby and I were talking last night, I don't even really remember what about, oh, we were watching a TV show, and this man, who had done this heroic act, said the thing that meant the most to him was not the medal he got, but the knowledge that he made his father proud. Hubby said, "I wish it were that easy to make people proud of you". I told him, "Honey, I am proud of you..." He then asked "Why?" I said, "well for one, it takes a very special kind of man to work to support a wife and 6 kids, where the wife doesn't have to work, and can stay home. Most men in this day and age wouldn't do that, would insist that the wife work." He pulled me to him, and just cuddled me up real tight, and didn't say another word. A bit later, we went to bed and he spooned up in front of me...I just lightly rubbed the muscles in his arms and chest and sighed.....He said, "You're really proud of me???" I said, "yes, more that words can EVER say!!" He pulled me close and said "Darlin', you make me feel so good!" I LOVE making him feel good, it makes me feel a sense of accomplishment, knowing that I can do for my man what no other woman can!!

The Art of Appreciation

J. really knows how to do it! This is a long post, but worth the time it takes to read it.

One of the A's that actually seems to come naturally to me is the area of appreciation. My husband regularly blushes, tells me how good I make him feel, and how I am "too good" to him. A few of the things that have become a regular part of life around here over the last three years are:

1) talking often to my stepkids (previously ungrateful, spoiled, abused kiddies whose BirthMom taught them that Dad, along with all other men, was useless and stupid) about how amazing their Dad is - how hard he works to support us all and allow me to stay home with them. Sometimes I'll have these chats with DH in the house, out of sight but within ear shot, but most often when he is not around. Call it brainwashing if you like, but DH absolutely glows when he hears one of them say to their friends "not many Dads are willing to work for their family all by themselves, but MY Daddy wants us to have Momma all the time!" He knows where that thought came from, and I usually reap the benefits of an especially tender, happy husband that evening.

2) I make a big deal EVERY payday - in front of the kids if possible - thanking my DH for his hard work, willingness, and amazing ability to take care of us. Once in awhile now, one of the kids will beat me to it - excited that Dad has done it again!

3) I thank DH, again in front of the kiddies, EVERY night for dinner, even though I am ALWAYS the one who has shopped for it, prepared it, and served it. I thank him as enthusiastically as if we were on a date, out at a restaurant. He always responds "but you cooked it, thank YOU for dinner" and I always counter "if you weren't so good at what you do I would have had nothing to cook". It has become a cross between a ritual and a game at the table - sometimes the kids jump in and fill in my part if I happen to "accidentally" hesitate to counter him: "But Daddy, if you weren't so good at your job we wouldn't have been able to go to the store". Brainwashing? I don't think so, I think I'm just training them very specifically to appreciate the male role. My DH feels like a King at the dinner table - we make sure of it. That is the place we most often celebrate his provision for us.

4) I make a point of watching for those evenings that he comes home particularly exhausted, then "call in the rescue team" DSS runs for his slippers, DSD gets out the afghan and couch pillow, while I get a glass of Iced Tea and slip a movie in the player - DH is "not allowed" off of the couch until dinner is ready. The kids get a HUGE kick out of keeping him there, DH feels fussed over, and everyone pays attention to the fact that Daddy is tired BECAUSE he works so long and hard for US. He "fights" the whole process of course, but can you imagine? We always "win"! LOL

5) I also make sure to find something to brag about in front of his friends and coworkers. I will bring homemade cookies (his favorite thing in life) to his office occasionally and inevitably a coworker will make some remark like "whoa, how do you rate?" or "how do you get your wife to do that, will you talk to mine?" or "what did YOU do right?" These are great opportunities to build him up, much to his embarrassment (and secret joy). I'll tell them that this is the most incredible man I've ever known, or he takes care of the four of us so well, or he can fix anything, or he's the best Dad/Husband (pick one) on earth, or just that it's "I love Bill" day. Most often I'll drop in with cookies after he has gone above and beyond the evening before - like fixing my car, dishwasher, the broken door knob etc instead of falling onto the couch.

6) We have text messaging on our cell phones, so I can drop him a note without interrupting him during the day, he keeps the phone by his computer in anticipation that he might get a "Your Wife is in love with you" message, or a "Thank you for working so hard for us Babe" or even just "I can't wait to see you tonight". The funny thing is that when I skip a day, and send no messages - he comes home subdued. I'll ask him (innocently of course) what's wrong and he'll say "nothing" for awhile, then eventually ask if I got too busy to message him, or did I just forget? Men may want their freedom - but an appreciative woman is addicting!

Well, that got long winded, I'm sorry! I just get really excited about making DH feel like the most amazing man in the world, because for me - he is! Like I had mentioned in an earlier post about my temper, I'd love to see what these daily habits would do for our relationship if I didn't keep blowing up and putting us back in "repair" mode by ruining all the progress I made being appreciative the day before! One day at a time I guess!

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