Let Him Be the Leader Success Stories
The Decision Maker
How N. D. applied this lesson:
My dh has, in the past, been one to try and skip church if/when he had a lot of household projects. But the problem is, he never actually accomplishes anything whatsoever with those particular Sunday morning hours!! So one day our kids had chicken pox and he said in "THAT" tone, "What are we going to do about church?" And I knew if I was the one who said, we NEED to go to church, then (1) we wouldn't go and (2) he would get irate beyond belief. So I just looked at him and said "You're the man. You're the spiritual leader. You make the call." And I swished and swayed into the house and smiled over my shoulder and batted my eyes so he would know I wasn't making fun of him or being critical, and that indeed I was the woman and that indeed he was the man. And LO and behold, he figured out a way for both of us to go to church that weekend (one to early service, switch in the parking lot and then the other went to late service while the first one took the sick kids home). That was one of the most amazing success stories I've had, because it went completely different from any similar encounter we'd had without FW.
Leading in Business
L. B. tells of how she applied this lesson:
We are vocal creatures aren't we?? This was probably the biggest and most important obstacle I had to overcome. I shudder to think of the things I have said to my husband before FW. I have made a lot of progress overcoming this by taking very seriously the first chapter on accepting my husband exactly as he is. I truly believe, as Mrs. Andelin mentions, that this is the heart of FW. Without it one cannot hope to achieve or bring any real happiness to marriage. I thought I was a little smarter than my husband as I have had a little more eduction and a more monied upbringing. My father was very successful in business and I though my husband would benefit from my direction which ended up as nothing but constant criticism. I was (still am) very self centered and though my way was the right way. I started changing by first not criticizing him at all - I did not make any suggestions, offer any contrary opinions, or even try to give him counsel. If he made a mistake we would just live with it. It was more important for me to accept him than have things go a certain way. At first I had to catch myself and even go back and apologize a few times. I made a habit of apologizing when I did criticize. I also went to him and said that I was sorry I had not accepted him as he was and that he was a wonderful man. I told him that I realized that men and women think very differently and that I was very wrong for thinking that he should always think and act like me. He did not say much at first but it showed in the business we have. We both love antiques and sell together. This was a big battle ground as we were always fighting to be in control. I took my hands off except to support him and encourage him and we are far more successful now. He had the courage I lacked to move ahead and take some daring moves. I realize now that I was being a cement block around his ankles. He is so happy now and feels very proud of his success. I would never have done that without having read FW.
Man as the Rightful Leader
C.E. shared this success story:
I realized that I do trust him and am extremely thankful for him. I just reacted very badly when I heard about the rulings. He really appreciated my apology.
After I apologized and said those things, he said, "Honey, I can tell you are trying very hard to improve yourself lately. You have been so wonderful to me. You've made me feel good about being a leader. You are making me want to lead. I used to resent having to make all the decisions. Now, especially because of how you've changed in the last few months, I want to take care of you in any way I can. I want to be a better husband now because I see you are trying so hard. You really aren't doing anything different. It's just that your attitude has improved so much. You do so much for me and now you seem happy to do it! I feel like you love me more than you used to."
((I've got a big grin on my face right now!!!)) FW works! He's right, I am happier and feel more love for him now than I used to.
S.F. wrote this thought-provoking post:
I used to always think that it was "unfair" that I had to do so much work. I would complain in prayer, "Why is it always me? Why am I the one that has to change? Why can't he do something for a change? etc."
It really doesn't seem fair, but who needs fair anyway? Fair is some kind of thing we've always heard, always talked about, but doesn't really exist.
It is more natural for the woman to do the changing first for many reasons.
1. She is the follower in the situation. It is her duty to get in line with the lead.
2. Women are naturally more bendable and adaptable. They are more intuitive and see the need for change first.
3. Once she is a good follower, it takes the resistance out of the leader. He will be able to make decisions without having to stand up for his right to do so and fight with you all along the way.
4. You can't change anyone else by direct action. You can only change yourself. Once you are aware that there is a problem in your marriage or personal life somewhere you become accountable. You have no choice but to work to improve yourself - no matter what "the other guy does."
5. Changes in you will affect others and they might change. They will have to think of new ways to respond to the new you.
6. Let's face it, if we've been fighting 5, 10, 20, ... years over the same problem it's lunacy to think it's going to get better on it's own. Change in one or more of the factors will change the whole situation.
There are probably much more, but don't fight change. Be thankful that you see the need to do better.
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